I’m very tired today. A crazy day at work and then experiencing a little bit of hope and then feeling like there is no reason for it. Days ago prior our last argument, I decided to get him a journal so he can organize his time better. Then I saw a key chain, and decided to get it as the keys that he has of my apartment could have something that he liked on it and a blanket of his favorite fútbol (soccer) team, so he could feel more comfortable at home.
His team lost the game. I gave him the things anyway as I was worried it would remind him of his loss but I thought it could help. As I saw him down for the game, I didn’t ask him if he was leaving (I was planning to do it before giving him the gifts so he wouldn’t feel uncomfortable from telling me if he was leaving.
He said Thanks but he didn’t give me a hug. When I gave him before the cup, he gave me a hug. It made me feel sad of how much our friendship has changed and how things won’t be ever be the same or how my idealized way of seeing things it will be destroy. I just want to hide and I don’t want him to notice my low mood today, as the same drama can start again, and I’m unsure if My heart can receive another punch in just few days.