Should I tell him this? Pretend it is buried or discuss it.

He said things were better to get discussed now (Maybe to start making living arrangements) :p

Things that I should tell him today out of context

As per the information I know from you, that wouldn’t be the best way to approach you and neither the time.

A test: they said that if Two people look themselves for a long time and if there is any attraction for the guy he may get closer, if the guy is shy or insecure about the situation, you get close and give him kisses in the cheek and if there is any minimum attraction, he will do something

Why now? You seemed to have said yes to many random people

If we kiss, I don’t see as a big deal, as I am not looking right now for something serious, you are not in the mindset, you don’t have any actual feelings for me beyond the friendship and you are afraid of your living situation.

I thought I wouldn’t mind to cuddle or kiss someone in a blue moon. I can control myself not to lead to sex. At least for now, as our mental and emotional situation may not take it well. You may do a better job on that, isolating that but I may not. Because you are a close friend and sex mean a lot to me. And you were my ex, my friend then the threshold to go there is pretty high. It could make me feel bad, unknown scenario.

It is pretty common for a girl reject a friend, kiss, even something else and I continue being their friend because I just take it as men testosterone.

I was just being my actual self. I also always have doubted that, you actually feeling physical attracted to me. You said in sex ok, but I am not your type. I am not slim, not very cute phase, ok i have hips but I am not slim or white or triguenita India or Asian guys. My personality may be too strong for me.

Also Jose’s past, I don’t know how much value has in your mind

Why is it different? I told you I believed something about our friendship, unbreakable and you caring enough for my feelings. It is better now but it is not at that point (maybe that’s why I didn’t want to tell you and before you test, because things that seemed simple to me, it became a big deal) I don’t want to feel uncomfortable or take it in a different away or the drama to come back. I am


2nd, I get to know you more, more used to your presence I appreciate new good things about you and also other characteristics that would make me stop about thinking something with you. Especially in my situation, if you were like that with the people you really love, I don’t expect you to be better with me and I actually don’t know how much love have you given in a relationship. I believe your love for your family.

I am in a crazy state, things to do and I tend to do crazy stuff during that time and also more emotionally vulnerable so I may want more physical intimacy but I don’t want to date as it takes time.

You said you would trust me, but you think it is better that I tell you so you remove weird ideas. It is not like before. I think it is easy to explain in my world but I don’t know/I am

Uneasy of the way you would take things, maybe you would feel even more comfortable or you would misunderstand me


Hoy descubrí algo muy importante. Que estoy en lo más bajo de su línea de depredación. Solo besarlo en la mejilla, lo puso incómodo. Que tal si hubiera tratado lo del test y besarlo directamente en la boca? No habría opción atrás, no tendría excusa, aunque mi ultimo intento no podría ser más claro.

Yo no le atraigo en lo absoluto, se metió con personas en las más extrañas y difíciles situaciones pero no conmigo. Prima su supervivencia y bienestar en nyc. Aún sus instintos más carnales no trabajan conmigo. Puse a prueba el test coreano de la mirada, luego lo besé en la mejilla como amigo, porque intentar en los labios sería un gran error. El dijo lo siguiente:

No me siento cómodo. El que tu repentinamente te acercaste no me lo esperaba. Y además los besos lentos “llenos de pasión”; si claro, de pasión que no toco su corazón porque fue muy fácil para el despegarse e ignorarlos.

Por favor Saori, que te quede claro, Nada va a pasar con este chico, fuiste como una sombra de su pasado, pero no eres si tipo. A él

  • Le gustan delgadas, caderonas, cara bonita y quizás un poco de senos pero es independiente. Mil mujeres se le han lanzado y el no pone ninguna resistencia, pero contigo si. No te ves más como su host, catapulta de residencia o esa amiga que conoce sus secretos.
  • Nunca le gustaste realmente y quizás esa historia va desde los comienzos.
  • Aléjate de el, sal con otras personas y no te arrepientas de salir con otras personas. Simplente no son el uno son el uno
  • Me dio sueño jajaja

Debemos ser mas agradecidos por nuestra vida…

Yo suelo quejarme mucho pero hay cosas bonitas en mi vida, includyendo mi amiguito Diego de quien tanto me quejo pero es muy lindo conmigo, como por ejemplo me trajo almuerzo hoy en la tarde.  Hace monologos, pero tiene una alma dulce.  Es verdad que le da mucho miedo de las cosas, y algunas veces no analiza las consecuencias de sus actos o entiende los sentimientos de otros.

Ahora me hablo de su tio que era jodido jugando futbol y se le veia la alegria en la cara. Esta viendo un partido de Junior vs Alianza Lima, y hasta eso lo hace sonreir y emocionarse.  Y no estamos hablando del Barca


Debo dar gracias por la vida, por los bellos momentos, por las fortunas que he ganado y las lecciones aprendidas.


It will never happen for the right reasons

If someone would take the work of reading this blog, it would notice my vicious cycle of thoughts and feelings.  It seems that I cannot get tired to tell myself how he is not for me, how he never loved me, and how he does not care about your feelings. Now he goes again, we another person, listening aloud the audios, why does he does that?  He was listening to them with his headphones but why he needs to do it aloud.  Is he looking for a reaction from me? Did he get affected when I told him that I was going to date again?  If he does not tell me anything, it is not because he is a coward, it is just because I have never meant anything meaningful to him.  He can behave in a very controlled manner with me, I am not attractive enough to him, why don’t you get tired of him telling you how he loved other people but he didn’t love you when he was younger?


Why do you expect it would change?  It just a sign of your loneliness when you tried to hold into things that cannot happen.  Continue seeing him as a roommate or a friend that you want to spend time with and help him.  Don’t let your mind run wild…it is way too crazy, it goes to the point of thinking again that he may be the want, the one you would marry, the one who would become that person that you have been longing during your entire life.


Would it ever happen?  Would you actually find love? or it is your fate, just to be alone and deal with superficial relationships. I want to feel loved and love back, one more time that makes consider want to be with that person for the rest of my life.  Ideally, I would like that dream to come true with all my heart, but if the circumstances do not appear, I would like at least, to have it for some years, experience it, get married and believe it in at least temporarily.


I am feeling very pessimistic right now.  Guys that I thought where representatives that  the love romantic, of the experience of just having one person in their heart, they were not the exception, even worse, maybe the most romantic ones, may be the most selfish ones as they only can see what it is in front of them when they are touching the clouds and they don’t see other people or the damage they can cause other people.

These existential questions, I would try to resolve in the upcoming years but at least what I know now.  Stay away  from the person who does not love you.   The person who never considered you a partner, that person who broke your heart when you were younger and then he did it again as a friend.  I would like to ask him that person in the future, what was about me that he couldn’t fall in love? my looks? being fat? not being feminine enough, why he thought to end up with me for six months and didn’t do it? and why he was attracted to me to the first place.

I would try to open two different posts, one about monogamy/polygamy and can people really be faithful. And the other one, was I tricked by these imaginary ideas of romantic love?  I have consumed my soul in something that it is not real, only to stay away from the real love.  We’ll see how it will go.  Maybe I would add another one regarding the luteal and follicular phase of a woman.

Reminders for the present and future

1. He hasn’t placed you above others in so many occasions. He has preferred to hurt you than not following ideas and requests from them. He still does not think how you feel from the stories he tells you.

2. He is cute, nice and sensitive, but he is not available emotionally for you or he may never get to love you.

3. Being friends is the best way to handle the current present.

4. If anything happens, he should be the one to kiss you first.

5. Why you are constantly thinking about him

And his well-being, he is thinking about someone else.

En Deuda…

Hoy mi amiguito y el personaje principal de la mayoría de las historias que he escrito últimamente, me ayudo muchísimo hoy y en los últimos días. Se lo aprecio y agradezco mucho. La última semana ha sido buena y aunque la atracción todavía está ahí, mi mayor enfoque es en la amistad y la convivencia. Para bien o para mal me he acostumbrado a su compañía. Me hará bastante falta cuando se vaya. Incluso ahora que me voy a San Diego, creo que lo extrañare en los momentos que no estoy súper ocupada. Es bastante tarde el día de hoy, nos la pasamos trabajo, el tratando de arreglar el database y yo haciendo otras cosas.

Es tan tierno y realmente dulce. Lo debo manejar con cuidado, porque yo soy muy frentera y eso puede asustar a más de uno.

Recuerda agradecerle toda la ayuda que te ha dado en los últimos días.


Muy tierno y dulce pero eso no deben cambiar tus expectativas. Para otros pueden ser muy amables pero siempre estarás en segundo lugar en la parte romántica. Que le estés hablando y le llega una mensaje, y le ponga total atención a esa mensaje y te ignore.Supéralo, como amigos muy bien pero no tengas expectativas que no te convienen.

Unrequited love

  1. I know this is freaking unrequited love, but you know what, I feel ok. I accept he wouldn’t love me in a romantic way and I just want to do good as a Friend. Someday a person would find me unique, would love me for who I am and I would love them too. In the time being, try to spread as much love that you can give, without having the expections of being loved back. That would have never happen. It is my fault from being fat and not taking a good care of myself. But I could do it, and things would be so different. I just want someone who can love me for who I am, with imperfections, with craziness, he would find amusing and love me so much that he don’t want a life without him.

I pray for that love and I hope to find it, at least for a long period of time, and it is possible, for the rest my lives.