I am posting this because it represents a heart that was still in love despite disappointments…and continued to be for a long time.   I wonder how I really feel now… Why my mind sometimes go to the fantasy world and dreams of a happy ending… To escape from my reality or the products of feelings which were just too intense to vanish easily despite of considerable negative consequences…  I am posting it anyway:
November 10th: 

I should not send this message. What if you went to NJ and slept with her and I am even more ridiculous for being open about my feelings.   I know it is too soon, it is probably an infatuation but I feel at times that I love you…. Just you.  Your eyes, lips, hands, aroma, hair, mind, smile, habits, awkwardness, childish behavior.   I want you to fall in love with me crazily and share this year together.   I will try to wait for week prior attempting to killing my feelings again.