I haven’t finished with my other post but I got inspired to give a thought about this.  I do appreciate friendships and trust their longevity more than romantic relationships.  This is just a post in process that it does not reflect fully my thoughts.  I just found the information useful for my present and the future.  Leaving these posts also help me to get know myself better, as many times I write these posts when I am upset, sad or just emotional.

 

Let’s see…

As wikipedia knows it all, let’s copy some information from wikihow:Identify if you are being disrespected. If your friend mistreats you or doesn’t show respect, letting that friend go is a good idea. For instance, perhaps he or she fails to take your concerns and problems seriously when you share them with him or her, or maybe they are kind in private but belittle you in front of others. Or, worse, they disparage you both publicly and privately.

These themes may be applicable to my situation:

• If you suspect your friend is talking badly about you behind your back, get as much information as you can. Who heard the comment? When and where did they hear it? If the source is reliable, you should take what they reported seriously. If more than one person overheard the comment, ask both separately what was said about you. If the reports about what was said correspond with each other, they are probably telling the truth.
•  Badmouthing a friend behind their back is not a sign of friendship.
• Decide if your friend makes you feel as if you are not good enough. Does your friend constantly make you feel dumb?  No.
• Are they critical of your point of view and unwilling to consider your opinions as valid? He can be when he makes statements that I’m just modifying the reality to make it seem his fault.  He is not considering my feeling, he is just busy on his defensive mode.
• Do they persistently put you down for the way you do your hair or the clothes you wear? No.  He makes jokes about it, but they are just jokes.
• These are not qualities of a healthy friendship. If your friend does this, it is a clear sign your friendship is headed downhill.
  • Your friend might make fun of your personal habits, such as how late you sleep, the foods you like to eat, or the clothes you wear.  Yes and I’m ok with it.
  • Remember, always be yourself. Unless your behavior is hurting you or someone else, never change who you are just to satisfy someone else. A friend accepts you for who you are.

Decide if your friend makes you feel important. Narcissists make poor friends. If your friend tends to interrupt you when you’re sharing happy and sad tales, it indicates they are uninterested in your life.  He is frequently interrupting you asking you for one moment or you start talking about something else, and he changes the topic. Later on, he may remember or not that you were trying to express something.

• A good friend always listens patiently to your problems, and offers advice when appropriate. They will not try to make themselves the center of every conversation or insert themselves into your stories.  He does not do this.
• If your friend demonstrates a lack of empathy, understanding, or sensitivity to your life and concerns, they are not worth keeping.  Do they listen to you carefully when you speak? Do they make eye contact? Do they ask follow up questions when you speak? If they do not, take their actions as an indication it is time to end the friendship.  He does ask follow up questions, but I wonder how much empathy he can have. Am I doomed?  Maybe my expectations are too high due to my work as a psychiatrist.
• Decide if you’re being exploited by your friend. 
• Does your friend only contact you when they want something? He does contact me more when he needs something or advice, however, he may contact me at times because he wants to hear about me or he is concerned about the way I feel.
• What is a moocher?
  • If you don’t feel the problem warrants ending the friendship, at least learn to say no. Do not allow your friend to continue using you as a meal ticket. Be courteous but firm in your rejection of their requests.
  • Friendship requires give and take. If you are constantly doing something for your friend and they are not doing anything for you, your friend is exploiting you.   I don’t mind about money but I wonder, he would ever pay me what he owes or he takes that part from granted. I am just talking about the items ordered in amazon. All the other things…it does not matter if I pay for them.

Decide if your friend is trustworthy. Friends demonstrate their trustworthiness in a number of ways. A good friend will keep secrets you tell him or her safe. They will never lie to you, and always speak to you openly and honestly.

• Friends should not reveal information about you which they know or suspect would be embarrassing or shameful if made public.  He did this, even though he needed someone to talk about it. If your friend does this or shares other information you told them in confidence, they are unworthy of your friendship.
• If your friend lies to you, it is probably time to end a friendship. Lies can be big (telling you they didn’t take your money when they really did) or small (telling you that you looked fine when in fact you had makeup smeared across your face). Don’t let a liar excuse their behavior with assertions such as “It’s not a big deal, it was just a white lie.” No matter the type or size of lie, lying friends will continue to let you down, and may even get you in trouble with their lies.
• If your friend has a habit of lying, it’s best to let them go. They cannot be trusted, and trying to build a friendship without trust is like building a house on a foundation of sand: eventually, it’s going to come tumbling down.

 

Decide if your friend does not respect your boundaries.  I didn’t respect the boundaries when I checked his phone because I felt something was wrong with his answers.  Anyway, I shouldn’t have done it.

Emotional abuse could take a number of forms, but is characterized by making another person feel worthless, rejected, or alone.

Your friend isn’t supportive

Part of what makes a best friend great is that she’s someone you can go to for anything without judgement, whether it’s to celebrate a big win, cry over a heartbreak or rant about a difficult day at work. Whether you’re dealing with a situation that’s positive or negative, your friend should always be there for you.

 

 

 

Messages to my self”

You are too dependent on one and other.  Maybe I have started to rely on him too much, seeking for him when i have nightmares, wanting him to keep me company.  I shouldn’t ask that again. I have never been the type of person that does this.

 

Makes me feel bad about snoring.

 

Review this:

The friendship is one-sided

As we’ve already established, balance is key in any relationship. So what if your problem is the opposite of the one above—and the issue isn’t that you and your friend are too reliant on one another, but that there’s one side that isn’t putting in any effort? Key signs to look out for: your friend is never the one to text you or initiate plans; she only reaches out when she needs something from you; she often claims to be too busy to hang out, or will cut your time together short because she has somewhere else to be; and when the two of you do get together, the focus is always on her and she doesn’t seem to have much interest in what’s going on in your life. (Read this well later)

 

This is no the post.  I just copied some stuff and then I would organize it and add my ideas.